Is "I'm fine" actually fine?

How many times have you answered the question, “How are you?” with “I’m fine”?

It’s almost automatic.

I’m fine.
Everything’s fine.
Life is good.

And maybe it is.

Nothing is necessarily wrong. You have a lot to be grateful for. You’ve built a good life, raised your family, created a career, maintained friendships, accomplished things you’re proud of.

But what if fine isn’t actually the same thing as fulfilled?

What if you’ve slowly become comfortable with a life that is fine, while somewhere inside you there’s still a little voice wondering, Is this it?

When “fine” becomes the default

There are many reasons we can arrive at a life that feels fine.

Maybe your priorities had to change. You were raising children, working, caring for aging parents, dealing with health issues, or simply doing what needed to be done.

At the time, those priorities may have been exactly right.

But life changes.

And eventually, you may find yourself in a different season of life without ever stopping to ask:

What do I want now?

What would excite me now?

What would light me up?

What do I want my life to look like now?

When we’ve spent years prioritizing everyone and everything else, it can feel surprisingly difficult to turn inward and ask those questions again.

Instead, we tell ourselves we should be happy.

We should be content.

We have so much. Why would we want anything different?

And sometimes, we don't even consciously tell ourselves that. We simply stop allowing ourselves to consider another possibility.

Wanting more doesn't mean you're ungrateful

One of the biggest barriers to asking ourselves what we want is the belief that wanting more somehow means we don't appreciate what we already have.

But those two things can exist together.

You can be deeply grateful for your family and still want something new.

You can be proud of your career and want to explore something different.

You can appreciate the life you've created and still want to create more.

Gratitude doesn't require you to stop growing.

You don't have a finite amount of gratitude in your heart. There is room to appreciate what you have while also making space for new desires, experiences, dreams, and possibilities.

Wanting something more doesn't negate what you already have.

You can bring it all with you.

What if you stopped settling for “fine”?

Try asking yourself:

If I could have something more, what would it be?

What would you want to create?

What would make your life exciting?

What would you love to pursue?

Is there a hobby you've always wanted to try?

Is there something you've wanted to change?

Is there a dream you've quietly put away?

What would your life look like if you weren't limiting yourself to what seems practical, reasonable, or expected?

And pay attention to what happens when you ask.

Do you immediately think:

Yeah, but…

Maybe someday.

Not right now.

That's not realistic.

Those responses don't necessarily mean your desires aren't possible. They may simply reveal the resistance, doubt, or old stories that have been keeping you from exploring them.

Your extraordinary life doesn't have to look like anyone else's

I love the idea of creating an “extraordinary life,” but I've noticed something in myself.

It's easy for me to believe that an extraordinary life is available to everyone else.

My clients? Absolutely.

Other people? Of course.

But me?

That's where the doubt can creep in.

And maybe you've experienced something similar.

Maybe you can easily imagine other people pursuing their dreams, changing direction, creating something bigger, or reinventing themselves.

But when you imagine doing it yourself, suddenly there are a lot of reasons why it can't happen.

That's worth noticing.

Because you are not the exception.

You don't have to be a “special snowflake” who is uniquely excluded from the possibilities available to everyone else.

There isn't an “enough” police

One of my favorite ideas from this conversation is that there is no “enough” police.

There isn't someone who gets to decide that you've accomplished enough, created enough, dreamed enough, or that you should stop wanting more.

Your extraordinary life doesn't have to be one giant finish line.

Maybe it's a series of steps.

You grow.

You evolve.

You create something new.

Then you discover that your definition of extraordinary has expanded again.

And that's okay.

The next version of your life doesn't have to invalidate the version you're living today.

Imagine your future self cheering you on

Here's a question I love:

What if you imagined a future version of yourself who has already created the life you're dreaming about?

What does she look like?

How does she show up?

How does she move through her day?

How does she feel about her life?

And then imagine her turning around and saying:

Don't give up.

She knows what you're capable of because she's you.

She knows the stumbles are coming. She knows there will be doubt. She knows there will be moments when you wonder whether it's worth it.

And she also knows you can get there.

Maybe your future self isn't asking you to blow up your life or become someone completely different.

Maybe she's simply asking you to stop settling for a life that is merely fine.

So… is “fine” actually fine?

That's the question I want to leave you with this week.

Do you actually feel fine inside?

Or have you simply become comfortable with fine?

And if you want something more, what would that look like?

You don't have to stop being grateful for what you have.

You don't have to reject the life you've created.

You don't have to decide that everything needs to change.

You can simply give yourself permission to ask:

What do I want now?

And then listen.

There may be something inside you that has been waiting a very long time for you to ask.

You can be grateful for your life today and create something extraordinary for tomorrow.

You don't have to choose between the two.