How to Stop Talking Yourself Out of the Things You Want to Do

Have you ever made a decision ahead of time, only to find yourself talking yourself out of it in the moment?

Maybe you planned to get up early and work out, tackle a project after dinner, or finally follow through on something you've been wanting to do. But when the moment arrives, your brain suddenly has a million reasons why you don't want to do it.

You're tired. You're comfortable. You don't feel like it. Maybe you'll do it tomorrow.

And before you know it, you've abandoned the commitment you made to yourself. Then comes the frustration, disappointment, and sometimes even the self-criticism.

So why is it that sometimes we follow through on our commitments without a problem, while other times it feels nearly impossible?

In this week's Tuesday Talks with Twila, I share what I've been discovering about the difference between making a decision and actually following through on it.

The Difference Between Wanting to Do Something and Deciding to Do It

One of the biggest things I've realized is that there's a difference between saying, "I want to do this," and making a solid decision that you're going to do it.

When I started my running program, I didn't just think about wanting to run. I decided I was going to get up, get dressed, and go to the YMCA. I made a plan, prepared ahead of time, and committed to following through.

And surprisingly, it was much easier than I expected.

The difference wasn't that I suddenly felt more motivated. The difference was that I had already made the decision.

When we leave our decisions open for discussion in the moment, we give ourselves the opportunity to reconsider. And our brains are very good at finding reasons to choose comfort over the things that require effort.

Your Brain Is Trying to Keep You Comfortable

Our brains naturally want to conserve energy, avoid discomfort, and seek pleasure. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's part of how we're wired.

But sometimes those instincts work against the things we actually want to accomplish.

Think about what happens when your alarm goes off. The part of your brain that made the decision to get up and work out the night before is suddenly competing with the part of your brain that wants to stay cozy in bed.

And if you start entertaining thoughts like, "I'm too tired," "I don't want to," or "I can do it later," you've opened the door to renegotiating a decision you've already made.

What if, instead, you simply reminded yourself:

"I already decided. We're doing this."

You don't have to argue with every thought that comes up. You can acknowledge that your brain wants to be comfortable and still choose to follow through on your commitment.

Set Yourself Up for Success Before the Moment Arrives

One of the strategies that has helped me tremendously is preparing ahead of time.

When I work out in the morning, I have everything ready the night before. My clothes are laid out. My shoes are ready. My workout is scheduled. I know exactly what I'm going to do when my alarm goes off.

There are no decisions to make.

I simply turn off my alarm, get out of bed, and follow the steps I've already planned.

This eliminates a lot of the opportunity for my brain to talk me out of doing what I've decided to do.

You can apply this same approach to other areas of your life.

• Want to accomplish something after dinner? Decide exactly what you'll do before you sit down on the couch.

• Want to start a new exercise routine? Prepare your clothes, schedule your workout, and make a plan for what happens when your alarm goes off.

• Want to stop having chaotic mornings? Decide when you're getting up and what your morning routine will look like.

The more decisions you make ahead of time, the less you have to rely on how you feel in the moment.

Look for Evidence That You Can Follow Through

Here's another powerful tool: look back at your own life.

We often focus on the times we didn't follow through. We remember the missed workouts, the abandoned plans, and the commitments we didn't keep.

But what about all the times you DID follow through?

Think about the times you showed up even when you didn't feel like it. Maybe you completed a task because someone was counting on you. Maybe you made sure your child had what they needed, even when you were exhausted. Maybe you showed up for an appointment, finished a difficult project, or kept a commitment despite wanting to do something else.

You have evidence that you are capable of doing hard things.

And you can use that evidence to build confidence in your ability to follow through in other areas.

Ask yourself:

• When have I successfully followed through on something I didn't feel like doing?

• What was different in that situation?

• What did I tell myself?

• What tools or strategies did I use?

• How can I apply those same strategies to the area where I'm struggling now?

You don't have to reinvent the wheel. You can take what already works for you and apply it somewhere new.

Become Someone Who Keeps Commitments to Herself

One of the most empowering things we can do is change the way we think about ourselves.

Instead of saying, "I'm someone who struggles to get up in the morning," what if you started telling yourself:

"I'm someone who gets up when my alarm goes off."

"I'm someone who keeps commitments to myself."

"I'm someone who makes decisions and follows through."

These aren't just positive affirmations. They're intentional thoughts that help you create a new belief about who you are and how you show up in your life.

When you consistently reinforce these beliefs, you begin to approach your decisions differently.

You become someone who trusts herself.

And that self-trust can impact every area of your life.

Remember: Commitment Doesn't Mean Ignoring Yourself

I also want to emphasize that following through doesn't mean you should never change your plans.

There are times when your body genuinely needs rest. There are times when life happens, circumstances change, or you realize that what you previously decided isn't actually what you need.

Self-compassion matters.

The goal isn't to force yourself to do everything regardless of how you feel. The goal is to become aware of the difference between genuinely needing something different and simply allowing your brain to talk you out of a commitment because it's uncomfortable.

When you make a decision, make it intentionally. When the moment arrives, give yourself the opportunity to follow through instead of automatically renegotiating.

What Have You Already Decided?

I want you to think about something you've been wanting to do but have struggled to follow through on.

What have you already decided you want for yourself?

What would it look like to make that decision solid?

What could you put into place ahead of time to make following through easier?

And most importantly, what would it feel like to become someone who keeps the commitments she makes to herself?

You have the ability to create a different experience for yourself. You don't have to remain at the mercy of the thoughts that tell you it's too hard, too uncomfortable, or not the right time.

You can decide. You can commit. You can follow through.

And you can begin building that self-trust one decision at a time.

Watch this week's Tuesday Talks with Twila to hear more about the tools and techniques I'm using to help myself follow through on the things I want to accomplish.

Have an amazing week!

— Twila